This topic came about when I was talking to a friend whose sister was about to get married....She did not want to, but had to because of her mom's compulsion...Why do a lot of us resist marriage? If it is just one of the events in our life? If after marriage, we are going to face the same day and night, but with another person why do we hesitate and try to postpone it as much as we can? Is it just a resistance to change? Or is it much more than that? A feeling of inability of having life in our own hands? Does our life change after marriage?
I was sure before i got married that marriage is just a part of life.My life partner would be one who would assist me in attaining my goals and I in turn would help him out in reaching his goals.So from the beginning I have never been afraid of marriage. I thought it was a positive experience. I have not reached a conclusion that marriage isnt a positive experience. But makes me wonder are we- women all the same after marriage?
Some of my old friends who are now married can talk nothing else other than cooking, their husbands , mother in law, father in law and their babies. A woman's life especially in India falls into the hands of not just her husband but also her father in law, mother in law..This does not mean her parents are not controlling her anymore. And she becomes pulled apart by all of them and does nothing she really wants to do.On top of it there are children? Why is there pressure in the society to have children and sacrifice our lives for the child? Is our life not important enough?When a child comes, he or she becomes the priority. The woman though making a lot of money would want to spend the money on or child's crib then her own fancy shoes.
As for me life was definitely not a big bed of roses. I did make small adjustments to live with my husband.And he made a lot more adjustments for me.But in the light of small joys I have seemed to have lost my sight on the "Big goals of my life".I want to plan my career admist family matters.
What is the ultimate solution for this? It is indeed tough for a woman to settle in her career and then get married(They say there is a biological clock - not to forget what the society will say about an unmarried woman at 30)
Is a woman's life just to sacrifice for her husbands and kids? Do we really change after marriage?
7 comments:
I want to share an interesting process that is happening at the backyard of our office. Our office is in a bushy area.. like Ooty.. I suddenly noticed a big heap of dried leaves, mulch and pretty much what looked like garbage. I was wondering what was happening and then I noticed a bird.. looked like a short turkey.. black with loose orange coloured flesh hanging about its neck. This bird was actually building its nest.. I mean the heap.. kicking the dried leaves backwards, from some 10-20 m away and accumulating it the backyard to protect its yet to be laid eggs. I was thinking it was a she for all this while... for abt a week... everyday from morning to evening this is the birds routine... then i noticed another bird.. I am sure its a he for i could make out the physical difference, doing the same thing from the opposite direction..
It got me thinking... what is life for these creations of GOD? there was no conflict of interest btn the two birds! they did not build two separate nests! they had no entertainment..it was just a continuous process that was monotonous, boring and strenuous? or was it the commitment to provide to the future, what their parents had provided them in the past? passed on from father to son, mother to daughter??
LOL! its nothing but sheer commitment to provide to the future, what their parents had provided them in the past! passed on from father to son, mother to daughter!! - as you rightly put it.
either way, women do change once they get married. thanks to the male chauvinistic pigs that most men are. there are numerous live examples around just for you to open your eyes and look at them ..
i guess this is one more of those things in life which could/might/will be debated about greatly and still not giving a very conclusive answer ! well i think end of the day the person concerned, woman or man will end up doing whats important to him or her, what might really motivate that person or atleast thats the hope, which again is factored by society/friends/past experiences etc etc and also the personality of the woman/man ..
Aysh, I am wondering if our duty as living beings in this world is just to perpetuate? And once we do that does our life become immaterial? Once we pass it on to our daughters and sons/???
And Vijay I feel there are some men who change after marriage and some women who remain the same...But i do agree with few of yr points...
And Kandan, I feel a lot of times women do a lot of things they dont want to do just to satisfy the people around her, husband, mother, brother , children etc.Thats the nature of a woman....
as you said the nature ! maybe for that particular woman concerned whats important could be the family which is instilled from quite a young age in india ! doesnt mean that none of the men do things for the family but again this has come from the past where there were 10 kids in an indian family and the family would be totally disfunctional if someone in the family doesnt take charge to sit at home .. which by the way you see there are many such families in the US ! and the attitude of people are changing again due to the changing needs of the society !
Hey!! I am not going to take the feminism angle and brand men as MCPs... I have gr8 Father, brother and Husband! Maybe I am lucky.. or maybe its the way I look at it.... But what I am trying to say is, u are not the person at 22 what u were at 18.. so marriage also requires change... cos u need to grow up! I Just think that when 2 ppl plan their life there are some sacrifices t be made and priorities to be met and how u manage them is the difference between u and ur neighbour!! When u start to think of marriage being the normal course of action... CHANGE is also normal!
I am just talking of n Ideal situation where there is no conflict of interest btn man and woman! Call me a romantic!! ;)
void_spaces, I do not agree that importance of family has been instilled in Indian women. Even women in Us dream of getting married and running a family..Yea, 10 kids even in US the mom stays at home most of the time ....
Aysh... What I am talking about has no relation to MCPS...Sometimes I feel once anybody has children, they give up their interests to meet the interests of children.For example you would rather buy a barbie doll for your daughter rather than an expensive outfit for yourself.. I do not call that maturity...I call it the change of priority and in that order do we become less important?Why cant we get ourself the expensive outfit and buy the barbie doll? Why do we always have to give up stuff once we have children?
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