I always want to write something when I am in bed. I think that’s when I am not doing anything. Just lying and waiting to sleep. I have too many thoughts tonight. Thoughts that have become heavy enough for me to not to be able to carry forward.
My first thought is about the world’s or I should say the US’s perception of India. I was chatting with a colleague of mine at work. She is a lady who takes care of supplies and other administrative tasks. She is from some part of Africa (here comes my ignorance I did not ask her exactly where she was from). She said she never wanted to go back to her country because of safety issues and corruption and other reasons. She then asked me if I wanted to go back. I told her I definitely wanted to go back- “That’s where all the growth is – Wouldn’t I be missing it if I was here? In 5 years at least I want to go back” (I did not tell her how much more convincing I had to do to get my husband back to India). She gave me a picture of India – a place full of slums, unhygienic and so on. I don’t blame her – that’s what Mr.Slumdog millionaire has done to the world. A movie based on a book of one of the greatest ideas “Q&A” exaggerated to lengths to belittle India beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. The movie would have been total nonsense if not for the music – “A.R.Rehman” and the Indian actors. So if you remove all the Indian elements out of the movie, there is nothing left. Yet, these people got together to create a piece which would show India in its most ugly form. Is that because we crave international attention so much? India has a soul, a deep spirit – great values, which people in India themselves, are trying to kill by getting westernized every day. Why India- why do you want to get into this western trap ?
I think the arranged marriage is one of the best inventions of this world. After months of deliberation and thought I have come to the conclusion that love is non existant. All that exists are hormones and when the hormones wear out – there is nothing left for two people to stay together. So would you marry someone because the hormones are high when you see them? The hormones are secreted more if you see a symmetrical face with perfect features , a body that shows signs of reproductive capabilities. We as humans are constantly trying to procreate – either consciously or without our knowledge. That’s how we are made. So we think we like someone because the hormones are secreted more. WE also like or think we love someone when that person likes us. In sum, there is nothing called love – its all just pure HORMONES.
A few weeks back, I told a friend of mine – “ I made my marriage decisions with my mind and not my heart” - Might sound like a typical bollywood dialogue , but true. I think I have all the wisdom in my spirit, which led me to choose the path of arranged marriage. The path that surprises so many people of the west. I think it’s the safest haven ever. There is an old saying in Tamil – “Mind is a monkey”. I could probably say our heart is fickle , I am pretty sure everybody’s heart is . In this world nothing is permanent. One of my colleagues advised me to take up a less challenging career because I was a woman. HE said “ Jobs come and go, family is what remains.” IF my mother in law thought so when she got married, she would have been in streets with three children when her husband died five years into marriage.
So people , at least my Indian folks - Don’t give up your solid relationships that you have – your mother, father and everyone for these hormones. Let us all promote our eastern thoughts and spirit.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Zahir
The Zahir
Zahir is the name of a book by Paulo Coelho . I read it years back but thoroughly enjoyed it. Zahir means “obsession” . The book is about a writer who is obsessed with his wife who just disappears one day. We all have our zahirs from time to time. I had one yesterday.
I don’t remember when I came across this book – “Two states” by Chetan Bhagat. I read some reviews about it and felt a great connection to the female lead. Actually I have always felt a strong resemblance to the female leads of his books – One night, 5 Point and so on. It is probably a very common story, but it would the first book of Chetan I would read after coming to US. One thing greatly refreshing about his stories is the fact that his stories are based in India.
From the time I saw this, I really wanted to read it. I went to an old bookstore near my work place to find it. One had to search through the numerous piles of old books (They do not have a database where you can search through – they sell books for $1). The best thing about New York is you can choose to spend $1 to $100 on anything you want. It is Mumbai – magnified 10,000 times. Mumbai has always been my favorite place and so will New York be. So I searched for this book and ended up spending about 1 hour and got a book I remotely wanted. The woman at the counter asked me “Did you find everything all right?”. I told her I was looking for a specific book. She replied, “We have a big sale on 14th of August and you could probably find the book you want”. All I could do was just sigh. I caught a subway back home and on my way back to the dorm, looked at every bookstore.
I got back home, made myself some tea and set out again. I found another bookstore that sold books for $2. I scanned through all the books and finally the guy at the bookstore suggested I could probably find the book in “Strand “. It turned out to be a really big bookstore with all kinds of books. (About 5 times as big as Barnes and Nobles). Luckily they had a database, a guy at the counter looked through and said he didn’t have any books of Chetan.
I thought I had come this far and could to buy something. My eyes caught on to something “Bhagavath Gita –as it is “. The price on it was unbelievable – 50 cents. They say good things in life come for free, but probably the best thing in life comes at 50 cents.
I came back home and ordered “Two states” for $8 on Amazon
Zahir is the name of a book by Paulo Coelho . I read it years back but thoroughly enjoyed it. Zahir means “obsession” . The book is about a writer who is obsessed with his wife who just disappears one day. We all have our zahirs from time to time. I had one yesterday.
I don’t remember when I came across this book – “Two states” by Chetan Bhagat. I read some reviews about it and felt a great connection to the female lead. Actually I have always felt a strong resemblance to the female leads of his books – One night, 5 Point and so on. It is probably a very common story, but it would the first book of Chetan I would read after coming to US. One thing greatly refreshing about his stories is the fact that his stories are based in India.
From the time I saw this, I really wanted to read it. I went to an old bookstore near my work place to find it. One had to search through the numerous piles of old books (They do not have a database where you can search through – they sell books for $1). The best thing about New York is you can choose to spend $1 to $100 on anything you want. It is Mumbai – magnified 10,000 times. Mumbai has always been my favorite place and so will New York be. So I searched for this book and ended up spending about 1 hour and got a book I remotely wanted. The woman at the counter asked me “Did you find everything all right?”. I told her I was looking for a specific book. She replied, “We have a big sale on 14th of August and you could probably find the book you want”. All I could do was just sigh. I caught a subway back home and on my way back to the dorm, looked at every bookstore.
I got back home, made myself some tea and set out again. I found another bookstore that sold books for $2. I scanned through all the books and finally the guy at the bookstore suggested I could probably find the book in “Strand “. It turned out to be a really big bookstore with all kinds of books. (About 5 times as big as Barnes and Nobles). Luckily they had a database, a guy at the counter looked through and said he didn’t have any books of Chetan.
I thought I had come this far and could to buy something. My eyes caught on to something “Bhagavath Gita –as it is “. The price on it was unbelievable – 50 cents. They say good things in life come for free, but probably the best thing in life comes at 50 cents.
I came back home and ordered “Two states” for $8 on Amazon
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Alone, yet together
New York made her more Indian than she was in India. Looking back she always adored India, north India more. She did not know the reasons. Somehow their culture looked appealing to her. They were westernized in a lot of ways (partly), yet had that Indian element. Women were respected more (She felt). She probably ate a lot of pastas, Chinese noodles, pizzas and sandwiches when she was in India, now her diet comprised primarily of curries (from the Indian restaurants in Lexington). Books she bought in India – Sidney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer and Ayn Rand. Now she buys Bhagvath Gita, Hinduism and Chetan Bhagath.
This was her last weekend in NYC. Hmmm, what did she want to do? Shopping (which she did almost every weekend)! Yeah, why not? She got the attention that she had when she was in India. Her colleagues telling her – Nice haircut, nice shoes and nice skirt and so on. She wanted attention primarily in her life which she realized that when she was here. New York would be very special to her. Osho says “ You grow when you are alone” . She was alone in New York , yet she never felt that way. She felt more at ease than she was with people. She could do whatever she wanted, she need not find out what the other person wants and reach a compromise on what they wanted to do. Sometimes just doing what you want can give you lots of happiness and make you forget what you want. Was she a loner? Not really.
So her last weekend, she was sure she wanted to go to few places – Central park, have a mysore dosa, watch an Indian flick. She checked out the listings and found Aisha. She set out early to explore the city stopping at parks and enjoying nature at its very best.
Sometimes looking at your kind of people can give you a great feeling of connection. That’s how she felt when she got into the movie theatre that smelled of samosas.Seeing people dressed in salwar suits and sarees made her happy. She got the ticket and got herself a nice seat. She sat sitting and reveling in her new shoes and dress (that she got in a sale –she was a bargain shopper). She had her earphones on, as always. She heard a feeble voice near her “Is someone coming here?” .She looked up and saw a woman in her late fifties wearing a silk saree printed “Om” all across. Reminded her of her periamma. She said “No one”. The lady said “Do you mind if I sit here? “ Of course not”, said she! I will address the lady as “periamma” and her as “she”.
Periamma started talking “These seats are not so good as American theatres are!”
She “Oh, I thought they are a lot better after Ambani bought them”
Periamma “Obviously! But still they are not as good as American theatres”
She “Oh!”
Periamma” But they don’t censor the movies here, They showed Kites with all the uncensored scenes”
Is this what happens when traditional Indian women come to New York? She later found out that Periamma lived in Manhattan since 1974, had a son who was a doctor in San Diego, two daughters - One near her apartment and the other in New Jersey. Her children had all gone to attend a wedding in New Jersey.
Periamma said” I already attended the engagement. These weddings are so boring! I thought I wanted to watch a hindi movie today” She felt a deep connection, she thought would probably be like her in her late fifties. She hated attending weddings. She didn’t want one either. She wanted a register marriage “”alaipayuthey style”, yet her parents insisted on the wedding.
Periamma seemed a lot knowledgeable about Hindi film industry. Periamma spoke about the actresses and their politics and knew about almost all hindi movies.
“I read star dust”, It gives me a lot of info about hindi movies. I missed Raavan . How was it?” Periamma said.
“Yea, you are asking the right person, I thought”
The twenty minutes seemed like an eternity when she spoke about Aishwarya Rai and her lovers, Deepika Padukone and her father, Sonam Kapoor and how she was struggling – I enjoyed it. I like to know what the celebrities do.
As the movie started, she felt so connected to the periamma. Sometimes you have to be alone to bring new people into your lives. This is not about two people different coming together. Its about two people so similar bought together by fate. Sometimes you have to let go of your old feelings, thoughts , ideas , memories and people to make room for new ones.
When the movie finished, they thought “ we are all alone, yet together !”
This was her last weekend in NYC. Hmmm, what did she want to do? Shopping (which she did almost every weekend)! Yeah, why not? She got the attention that she had when she was in India. Her colleagues telling her – Nice haircut, nice shoes and nice skirt and so on. She wanted attention primarily in her life which she realized that when she was here. New York would be very special to her. Osho says “ You grow when you are alone” . She was alone in New York , yet she never felt that way. She felt more at ease than she was with people. She could do whatever she wanted, she need not find out what the other person wants and reach a compromise on what they wanted to do. Sometimes just doing what you want can give you lots of happiness and make you forget what you want. Was she a loner? Not really.
So her last weekend, she was sure she wanted to go to few places – Central park, have a mysore dosa, watch an Indian flick. She checked out the listings and found Aisha. She set out early to explore the city stopping at parks and enjoying nature at its very best.
Sometimes looking at your kind of people can give you a great feeling of connection. That’s how she felt when she got into the movie theatre that smelled of samosas.Seeing people dressed in salwar suits and sarees made her happy. She got the ticket and got herself a nice seat. She sat sitting and reveling in her new shoes and dress (that she got in a sale –she was a bargain shopper). She had her earphones on, as always. She heard a feeble voice near her “Is someone coming here?” .She looked up and saw a woman in her late fifties wearing a silk saree printed “Om” all across. Reminded her of her periamma. She said “No one”. The lady said “Do you mind if I sit here? “ Of course not”, said she! I will address the lady as “periamma” and her as “she”.
Periamma started talking “These seats are not so good as American theatres are!”
She “Oh, I thought they are a lot better after Ambani bought them”
Periamma “Obviously! But still they are not as good as American theatres”
She “Oh!”
Periamma” But they don’t censor the movies here, They showed Kites with all the uncensored scenes”
Is this what happens when traditional Indian women come to New York? She later found out that Periamma lived in Manhattan since 1974, had a son who was a doctor in San Diego, two daughters - One near her apartment and the other in New Jersey. Her children had all gone to attend a wedding in New Jersey.
Periamma said” I already attended the engagement. These weddings are so boring! I thought I wanted to watch a hindi movie today” She felt a deep connection, she thought would probably be like her in her late fifties. She hated attending weddings. She didn’t want one either. She wanted a register marriage “”alaipayuthey style”, yet her parents insisted on the wedding.
Periamma seemed a lot knowledgeable about Hindi film industry. Periamma spoke about the actresses and their politics and knew about almost all hindi movies.
“I read star dust”, It gives me a lot of info about hindi movies. I missed Raavan . How was it?” Periamma said.
“Yea, you are asking the right person, I thought”
The twenty minutes seemed like an eternity when she spoke about Aishwarya Rai and her lovers, Deepika Padukone and her father, Sonam Kapoor and how she was struggling – I enjoyed it. I like to know what the celebrities do.
As the movie started, she felt so connected to the periamma. Sometimes you have to be alone to bring new people into your lives. This is not about two people different coming together. Its about two people so similar bought together by fate. Sometimes you have to let go of your old feelings, thoughts , ideas , memories and people to make room for new ones.
When the movie finished, they thought “ we are all alone, yet together !”
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