Monday, July 06, 2009

The Perfect Relationship

As I read the Ramayana, I felt a multitude of emotions. As though I had experienced all the things the characters go through in it.It is strange , but once I thought that Ramayana was a fiction.But now deep inside me I feel all this has happened somewhere sometime....

I sat down to write about the relationship between Rama and Sita on Thursday when I was interrupted. From that time I have never been able to write. They say there is a perfect time for everything.When we look back, we feel the timing could never have been so perfect.Our life is woven perfectly ,though mysteriously.So many people have told this.One I can think of right now is Steve Jobs when he talks about connecting the dots.Our life seems to be perfectly thought about , yet dynamic.

Now , back to my topic of Rama and Sita. Their love is described as being so deep.Sita leaves a very luxurious life and goes to the forest just to be with Rama.She does not get tempted by the riches of Ravana to become his wife .Yet she is asked to spend her life alone later in the forest in Valmiki asrama by Rama.But they still love each other at a level we as human beings seldom experience.

We all in our lives hope for the perfect relationship. Conventionally we want a good looking, rich, well educated and nice guy or girl.But deep down what do we really want? We do not know until we are in the presence of such a person. The glimpses of such a person comes across in some of our friends, movie character, character in novel.Sometimes we might like somebody because we like the way they like us. Admist all this how do we figure out what we want? With what kind of person can we truly spend our lives with?

We all know when we meet such a person. We know this is what we have been waiting for all our lives. We feel like being in a trance.As we know that person he or she is all that we truly wanted. But then once that has been realized we think, Oh my god..This is too good to be true. Then we start looking around and find out small small imperfections. Then we are happy.

When I speak to some of my friends who are still in the dating phase, They ask me..Is it how you are supposed to feel?I sometimes think is the feeling felt the same way in all of us? We dont know.We just feel and we try to describe it as best we can . Because he or she felt the way I do, doesnt mean that is what he or she wants...Shahrukh Khan in most of his movies says,"Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" and blah blah blah....

The concept of soulmate-- is being intepreted in so many ways in movies and books, that we no longer listen to our hearts. But a soulmate exists for everyone and what he (0r she)wants you to do is keep your heart open to listen and feel.....

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Do women change after marriage?

This topic came about when I was talking to a friend whose sister was about to get married....She did not want to, but had to because of her mom's compulsion...Why do a lot of us resist marriage? If it is just one of the events in our life? If after marriage, we are going to face the same day and night, but with another person why do we hesitate and try to postpone it as much as we can? Is it just a resistance to change? Or is it much more than that? A feeling of inability of having life in our own hands? Does our life change after marriage?

I was sure before i got married that marriage is just a part of life.My life partner would be one who would assist me in attaining my goals and I in turn would help him out in reaching his goals.So from the beginning I have never been afraid of marriage. I thought it was a positive experience. I have not reached a conclusion that marriage isnt a positive experience. But makes me wonder are we- women all the same after marriage?

Some of my old friends who are now married can talk nothing else other than cooking, their husbands , mother in law, father in law and their babies. A woman's life especially in India falls into the hands of not just her husband but also her father in law, mother in law..This does not mean her parents are not controlling her anymore. And she becomes pulled apart by all of them and does nothing she really wants to do.On top of it there are children? Why is there pressure in the society to have children and sacrifice our lives for the child? Is our life not important enough?When a child comes, he or she becomes the priority. The woman though making a lot of money would want to spend the money on or child's crib then her own fancy shoes.

As for me life was definitely not a big bed of roses. I did make small adjustments to live with my husband.And he made a lot more adjustments for me.But in the light of small joys I have seemed to have lost my sight on the "Big goals of my life".I want to plan my career admist family matters.

What is the ultimate solution for this? It is indeed tough for a woman to settle in her career and then get married(They say there is a biological clock - not to forget what the society will say about an unmarried woman at 30)

Is a woman's life just to sacrifice for her husbands and kids? Do we really change after marriage?